If your house were on fire

Would you:

A) Call the fire department
B) Grab your valuables and run
C) Call a friend and ask to spend the night elsewhere, grab no valuables, and call no one.

If you answered C, you make decisions just like the stupidest couple I know! Last night they thought they smelled something burning in their apartment, so they called up some mutual friends and asked if they could spend the night elsewhere. On their arrival, they were asked if they had brought any of their valuable possessions. Their response? "No, I don't think anyone is going to steal anything."

So you are so afraid your house is on fire that you ask to be a guest at someone else's house, but you don't think about the fact that your items might burn? Granted, this is the same couple that hates each other openly, yet are staying together for the sake of...their lease. So this fire incident shows that they are not merely blinded by say, the sex or relationship issues. They just happen to share a mutual inability to deal with the world. Some other problems I see arising:

1) Car won't start and the gas tank is on empty. The couple decides what is needed are two new bikes.

2) "I sure hope we are able to cook in our new apartment. I hope it has a laundry room!"

3) An army of ants infests because of uncleaned bowls of ice cream left on a counter. The couple decides to eat out from now on instead of cleaning the dishes.

Here's hoping we can all be a little less like them.

First Vlog for Fantasy

The Hippie Cruiser

I found this in a shed behind my house. I didn't really look at it until recently, and when I did, I noticed that it was actually in great shape. It's a new hippie cruiser, made to look old. The reason it was left? Taco'd front rim. Well, $25 at the local bike shop is going to fix that, and then there will be white walled tires on the front and the back. From there, don't know where it will go. It has a rear shifter with six speeds. It rides smooooth. I think Danielle would enjoy riding it. Perhaps it will get a basket?

On the other hand it might make a good high ticket item at our garage sale or on craigslist once we get to Raleigh. Any idea how much someone would spend on this bike? Is it worth it to replace the rim? Like I said, other than the bent rim, it's spotless.

The Departed Sucked

News Flash: Last night an amazing meal was made. All the ingredients were of the highest quality, special care was taken to mix them very well, they were cooked to just the right temperature, and the final result was served on very clean serving-ware. Pancakes have never been made with such attention to detail! Of course, they were still pancakes.

That's how I felt about The Departed. Sure the actors were all good, and the editing professionally handled, the pacing kept steady...but the plot was lame as shit, confusing, overly long, and all the conflict was "solved" in the last 5 minutes by characters putting bullets in each other's heads. Some call this movie a masterpiece because it turned a gangster story into a "tragedy," but isn't that what all gangster movies do? And was this movie actually a tragedy?

Oh, his hand got smashed in a back room! So different from Casino, or the Godfather, or any other gangster movie! This shot really shows how Leo is at the mercy of the powers that be since Nicholson is standing while Leo is hidden, except that maybe this was just a convenient way to fit the characters in the shot! And, oh yeah, who cares if it makes that point or not! It's so innovative to have a character undergo physical pain to prove his masculinity!

So, someone smarter than me, please explain why this movie won Best Picture. I mean, it wasn't even that popular of a movie was it? I understood Titanic winning because that movie, which I still have never seen btw, was a blockbuster of gigantic proportions. Crash supposedly made some sort of comment on our society. The Departed was completely, totally and utterly forgettable. Was it supposed to be innovative because I ended up not caring about any of the characters? Is being vague the new way to be deep? Saying that it did something different by undermining archetypes might be an explanation of why it would get an Oscar, but I don't think you can defend that statement as factual, especially after the final scene of the movie in which there is a "badass" assassination scene by a "good guy who tells it like it is" of a "bad guy who only cares about himself and makes himself out to be tougher than he is, even though he's not really tough."

Agent Hero

Last night, Gilbert Arenas drained a three from about 4 feet beyond the arc with a hand in his face and 1.8 seconds on the clock to beat Utah. This was his second buzzer-beater of the month. This guy is amazing, and he's turning in performances in which he simply wills his team to win. Oh, and he's on my fantasy team.

Dickie V

I hate this man. First of, his voice is annoying. That's petty. Second, his nickname is an oxymoron. Third, his primary role seems to be "hype machine," but all he can think of to hype is the annual Duke-UNC match up, and now apparently Greg Oden, a massive beast of a man. Way to pick 'em Dick. It was real tough to decide that a seven foot tall 18 year old has a chance to be a great college or NBA star. Up next on Dickie V. explains: Bears are gonna shit in the woods, BABY!!

And so, yet another reason that Ohio State remains my least favorite school in America. I mean, you have to work to beat out every single Texas university AND the horribly high on themselves Florida Gators. Does this state really deserve their championships? I wouldn't know because all I keep hearing about is how awesome Greg Oden is, how amazing Ohio State's QB is, and how the Big 10 is the toughest conference in college sports.

The rich are not like you and me.

So the pretext for this post comes from a lot of places. A good place to start would be this Salon article. I know salon is subscription only, but you can watch the ad...it's worth it to read a nice take-down of the idea that CEO overcompensation is somehow fair and deserved. We've all heard this argument; one of my ultimate and running buddies has defended it to me, saying that there has to be an incentive to make big things happen. And fine, if you invent dynamite, or aspirin, or the automotive assembly line, maybe you do deserve some extra compensation. But the Salon article points out that these days, CEO's fuck shit up and are rewarded handsomely with nice 9 digit going away packages, only to get hired somewhere else for even larger sums. Kind of like how a pro football coach can win three games on the season, yet sign a record salary contract with a college football team.

But the article explains better than I can. I read that stuff, and about people getting 400 million dollar bonuses, and I just have to wonder what world they live in. And then I turn on HGTV or Discovery and see some "Extreme Homes" show, and I realize, oh, that's where. To some palatial estate in Martha's Vineyard that requires a staff to maintain. Does that not feel icky to anyone? That we're to the point where there are quite a few folks in need of a staff to simply care for there home? What about the article I read recently about how "colleges" are springing up across the nation to train people in service to the rich. You learn how to be a good butler for a multi-millionaire...and they can't train people fast enough. The people running the institutions were very sincere in their belief that in the next 25 years, the service to the rich industry is going to explode.

So is that the trickle down effect? I mean, hopefully those service folks make a pretty penny, but I'm just not comfortable with the fact that it's an actual job. In a nation where the job market is struggling, how much of a choice do you have in taking that job? And as for trickle down, well, there are only so many people who can benefit from the building of a multi-million dollar home and estate. And that's not REAL industry. That kind of construction is, I contend, still merely a service industry.

Wekk Wins! Wekk Wins!

Well, it's an awfully low blow to say this, but I couldn't help but think it to myself as I watched the Gators win last night: "So that's where the funding for Wekk's department is." Hate to take away from Wekk's moment and all, and hell, I'm happy the Gators won. Even though it totally should have been Ohio State and Michigan in the title game because, you know, the Big 10 is clearly the best conference in the nation, and Ohio State, by beating a single team outside their conference (from the shitty Big 12) proved that with one fell swoop. All I have to say to them is: welcome to the South, boys.